Welcome to Living Water’s Ministry’s Blog! God has put doing this blog on my heart for some time now. What stopped me you ask? Well, my general lack of know-how on anything to do with blogs, my inability to spell, punctuate, and not look like a goober in general. Full disclosure, I’ve given up on not looking like a goober! I am who I am. God’s beautiful HOT mess, goober and all. But, that would pretty much sum up my insecurities and reasons for me procrastinating it. Thank you Jesus for friends like my BFF Julie. She’s pretty much the brains behind anything I do. God knew I needed her and I thank Him for her every day!
Journey to Salvation
Well enough of all of that, let me walk you down the roads that have led me up to today. This is pretty much the greatest love story that I’ve ever experienced. At first glance it may not look like much of a love story. But to me and through my perspective, it’s covered in God’s great love for me. How He sought me and bought me and called me His very own (Romans 5:8). I’m not great at “short” stories, so pray for me and buckle up. I will do my best not to write you a novel.
Looking back I can honestly tell you that I never had a moment where I didn’t believe in God. I have been in church my entire life. Now, that doesn’t mean it was in me! I can remember a pretty clear conversation I had with God as an early teenager. It went something like this, “Dear God, I don’t want to go to hell but I don’t really want to give you EVERY area of my life either… Can we come to a compromise?” Well, just so you know I got a hard “NO” on that one (Exodus 20:3). I, like most teenagers, thought I knew it all and, of course, what I wanted on top of that. So, drinking/drugs boys… that’s what I just couldn’t let go of. And it’s like God gave (or allowed) me everything I thought I ever wanted and it all ended up almost killing me.
I ended up in an extremely abusive relationship… spiritually, physically, and emotionally. You name it I was undone on all sides. I found myself with this gaping hole that no matter what I did, it just kept getting bigger and bigger (Romans 8:7). There wasn’t enough food, drugs, or alcohol to numb it. There wasn’t enough love from a guy or anyone else that could fill it. There wasn’t enough success in my career to complete it. I tried everything, but nothing worked and the hole just kept getting bigger. There I was in a ball in the corner of my living room with a bottle of pills in hand. I never heard any voices mind you, but I could feel the pressure of the enemy all around me. Do it … just take them… and all your suffering will be over. I felt like I was in a vice grip. I can’t tell you why but out of nowhere I reach up and hit a nearby radio. And let me just say we were not the kind of people that listened to Christian radio back then. But there it was, a Christian talk show. What was it about? It was a Teen suicide hot line of course. I can’t remember what was said that night but it was enough to get me off the floor and into bed. I’m not sure how many days passed after that, but I found myself in bed, once again in the depths of my despair (Romans 6:23). This time I started crying out to God. The God I had always believed in, but just didn’t really know personally. God I said, “I just don’t even feel saved anymore.” And then it hit me down to the pits of my soul, “God I’m not saved! Forgive me Father!”, I cried. “I don’t care what I have to do, or not do, I don’t care what I have to give up, all I know is I want to be your child and I want you to be my God.”, (Romans 10:13) and I laid there and wept. You see, I had gone down several church isles growing up but to be honest with you each time I did I was really saying…”Please don’t send me to hell”, but NOWHERE in my heart did I want to surrender and give myself completely over to God. Not until that night at the age of 20 (Galatians 2:20)
A Glimmer of God’s Purpose
When I woke up the next day it was like the weight of the world had been lifted off of me. My circumstances were the same, but I was NOT (2 Corinthians 5:17). I started pouring into God’s Word, and it was during that point of my life when I caught my first glimmer. God spoke softly in my heart one day that nothing I had been through would be in vain, not the drugs, alcohol, the abusive relationship, or the overwhelming feeling of being unloved. All of these invisible prisons that I found myself captive in, it would be used to help other women someday. I had no idea what that meant at that time, but my heart swallowed that entirely. I have hung on to God’s promise to me ever since.
I am now 43 and here I am at the foothills of God leading me to start a women’s ministry. Why 23 years later? Let’s just say I’m a slow learner! Most of my Christian life has been a series of extreme ups and downs. I have failed God more than I have ever succeeded in anything for Him. I can now see looking back that I was getting more of religion than I was a relationship with Christ for most of my Christian life. By this I mean, I was cultivating religion in my life more than the personal love relationship with the God who made and saved me. Boy is there a difference!
Walking from Grace
I’m going to fast forward to my most recent “down” before my current “up”. I won’t bore you with my reasons for what lead me to walking away from God. Just know at the core of it was sin. I mean a full out lifestyle of sin. The picture of today’s modern prodigal finding themselves in the pig pin of life. I was drinking and partying and I even found myself doing the one thing that I didn’t think I would ever do. I was having an emotional affair with a married man. Which of course led to a physical encounter. I mean the enemy had me on all sides. I was running from one bad decision to the next. I went from an invisible prison I found myself into a miry pit that I myself climbed into! And that’s when it all started coming unraveled (John 10:10). I lost my job, my daughter and grandbaby was involved in a hit and run, financial craziness to the tune of $40K was dropped at my feet. Time and time again I felt the call and pull of God back in my life...but, I just kept on politely ignoring Him. My guilt just caused me to run harder from Him, as if anyone could outrun the voice of God (Jeremiah 23:24)! But, how could I ever come back from this? How could I ever face all the harm and hurt I had caused? Thankfully God’s love for me would not leave me like this!
Journey Back Home
I found myself in Texas at Julie’s house. We were out on her ATV doing what you do in an ATV. Nothing crazy just having fun. Out of nowhere I heard the voice of God speak to my heart. Again, it was not an audible voice. It was just a knowing from His Spirit to mine. He said, because of my refusal to come back to Him that He would have to take my life. I sat there in confusion and almost disbelief in what I was hearing. Of course the story of Jonah coursed through my mind. Does God do that? Will God bring death to those who are His that are willfully living in disobedience to him (Jonah 2:1-10) I was overwhelmed with this feeling of dread.
In my mind I cried out to God. “God if You were to do so, You’d have every right! But, God, I know you are a loving God and You are long suffering. Give me another chance!”, I begged. Then I said, “Please do not kill me or paralyze me. Please give me another chance.” And as fast as all of that started, it was over. I sat there dazed and confused. I mean how does one even process that? About 15 minutes or so had passed. I could see her house and we were almost home. Then all of a sudden, for no reason that I or Julie can understand, the ATV tips over on its side. It was as if someone had just laid it over. We were in a flat pasture. There are no hills. It simply just laid over on its side! My head received two pretty gnarly lacerations. I was covered in blood, like a scene out of the movie Carrie, and my neck was broken in two places.
I later found myself being life flighted to a nearby hospital. It is there where the head surgeon of the trauma team walks into my room. He’s hardly in the door and he says to me, “Young lady, do you know what a miracle is!” As if to give me the scolding of a lifetime. I can only imagine what my face must have looked like as I was laying there in my neck brace scared half to death. Then he speaks these words to me, “Do you have any idea how lucky you are! What a miracle it is that you’re not dead or paralyzed.” My heart ceased in my chest and I heard the voice of God once more say, “Do not forget, that was Me!” See, I know me, had God allowed me to make it safely back to Julie’s house, I would have excused that entire thing away. I would have convinced myself that I was crazy and that there was no way that was God. And that my friends is what started me on a journey with God like I had never had before. And I would take a thousand broken necks to be where I am with Him today (Psalm 116).
The Beginning of a Glimmer Fulfilled
There’s a ministry that I attend now called One Way. It’s a ministry for strongholds and addictions of all kinds. One of the statements they always say is, “It’s easier to keep the heart clean then to clean it once it’s been defiled.” I cannot express how much my heart resonates with that! It was a long road of confessing my sins to God and others. I found there was so much more to repentance then just telling God how sorry I was. It included a painful conversation with my husband along with uncomfortable conversations with my kids. It required burning some bridges in my life as far as my lifestyle was concerned. No more parties with drinking and much much more!
Once back on the road to recovery, one of the first things God did with me was teach me how to pray. I mean really pray! Prayers like I had never experienced before. He taught me how to pray scripture and how to listen as he spoke back to me. I really do feel like that was the missing key to my walk. I had studied life before. But I had NEVER had a successful prayer life like I do now. I would say BOTH pieces of that puzzle are crucial. It’s how we abide.
Broken Women: God’s Vision
Back around January of this year maybe even as far back as November, God started laying “women” back on my heart again. Specifically a broken woman! Somewhere along the way I had heard a preacher say to pray for God’s vision on your life. Not to settle for what you think you can do for God. That was a mind blowing thought for me and it’s exactly what I did. I was in my prayer closet around March of this year when I started praying for God’s vision on my life. I was thinking about a Bible study or just talking one on one with women. That’s where my comfort level was. So, as I was praying He gave me the women at the well (John 4:1-26). I of course had to google that and then go back to God and ask him what that had to do with me. He spoke so clearly to me, “You were the woman at the well. Now go find other women at the well and bring them to Me.” (Isaiah 61) And this is the purpose of this blog. It will be one of the tools used to bring other women like me who are broken and thirsty to the feet of Jesus. So that the Living Water can fill us. (Psalm 81:10)
John 4:14 “Whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.”
You see, we are all quenching our thirst with the things of this world, in one way or another. Here at Living Water’s Ministry our goal is to reach the dry and parched woman. Who’s thirst can only be filled through the power of God in their lives. We’ll do this by teaching the truths of God’ word. While teaching them how to break free from the invisible prisons that they have found themselves in. Broken is broken, it doesn’t matter what from! Whether it’s from brokenness derived from abusive relationships, or drugs or alcohol. Our goal will be pointing them to God and allowing Him to break the chains that have held them captive. While God allows us to be the hands and feet of Christ and being an extension of God’s great and unfailing love.
Thank you for taking time to read this. I pray that God’s redemption and unfailing love shines through in all I say and do. May he allow us to grow together in his goodness as I share my studies and walk with you. As you can see from my story above I do not claim to have it all together. I am not perfect, just another sinner saved by God’s great grace. I’m just one of God’s many examples of what God can do with a little. May the love of God so shine through the brokenness of my life that all you see is his light. Father help me be the light!
-Author: Lizz Miller